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What is Happiness
Ahlem El Mezni
A thousand happiness quotes inside my head, a thousand words which come and go, from the light, from the brightest side to the darkest one of my inner self.
Sometimes I feel too much to the point of feeling nothing.
Sometimes I just sit and wonder, why can’t I be happy with what and who I have in my live but keep trying to sabotage it!
I learned that Life is about the greatest moment we live, the unforgotten place we visit and the sweetest person we meet, I learned that Life is about the smile we make every single morning realizing that god’s giving us another chance to live, to reach our goals and to achieve our dreams.
But did someone know that life is about the saddest events we face too !
Did someone know that life is about the tears we drop, the loneliness we feel and the person we lose every time!!
I … I know it!
I know that life is about ups and downs, success and fail, love and hate, dreams and nightmares, days and night, light and darkness…
I know that I’m not a saint and my life is a full of mistakes. May I call myself a sinner though ?
I know that used to not be that perfect girl. I know that I used to love being weird, freaky or whatever. You know what, it makes me happy for a while. Yes I said for a while .. It’s temporary-it’s an ephemeral joy!
I know that I was born to be the other girl, who belong to no one but herself.
Mama always says that I’m unuseful like an old clock in the wall of my grandparents’ home , that I’m nothing like the other girls of my age.
How could I tell her about the strange thoughts which float inside my head, about my screaming ghosts which ask for freedom! About my wild dreams and my childish hope !
I know she will never understand because I don’t do neither!
I know that no one can injure me but myself, i know that i’m my own ennemy, and I know that I’m not giving my soul what it deserves too !
I know That I’m still confused between my desires and my tasks, between what I really want and what I used to get.
Keep faith! Just be positive! Look to the bright side! Oh yes, it’s easy to say it you know!
Day after day, life will fuck us stronger, It’ll hit us from above to below. We will lose hope, we will be tired of trying to keep a fake smile in front of all. We will be overwhelmed, we will drown in the deep inside of our thoughts and emotions and nothing could make us glad again.
I don’t know exactly what’s would make me happy! Being single or with someone that I love! being alone or around my besties, being home in a warm bed or in a party with the full.
I don’t know if nature could put the magic on my little head, or yes maybe drugs! they said that drug is a source of happiness, but still, it’s just an illlusion …
Sometimes i find happiness in someone’s smile, someone’s eyes, sometimes i find it in a friendly hug, in a song, in a poem, in a smell, in a flower, in unexpected gift, but still, it’s just temporary.
Days go by, I’m going old and it’s growing dark inside …
There are years that ask questions and years that answer!
But after all, the main mysterious Question still, WHAT IS THE DEFFINITION OF HAPPINESS!!!
Ahlem El Mezni
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