Suicide note…
Takwa Khelifi
What if I suicide? How many people will cry seeing me dead? How many people will say :
- She was a good girl but she hasn't chance..she wasn't lucky but she was good. She didn't speak too much but she looks smart. She was an artist and a writer..she did beautiful paintings and wrote touching poems..but she is poor and she hasn't a colorful destiny... they will ask my family why I did this. They will wonder if it's because of ambitions or love? But I wonder if big ambitions kill people sometime! She did her best to honor her gifts and talents. She wanted to use her mind and brain to make life better for her and for others. The best thing for her to find inner happiness is to reach outsite herself to use her personality to make life better for someone else. She gave more than she took. She offered without being asked. She shared when she don't had much. She hate herself and she was not about herself but she made people happy to be around her.
- But why life hates her? Why anxiety loves her much? Why bad destiny adores her ? What it was her fault? Ambitions? Dreams? Imagination? Weakness? Was she stupid?
-Yes she was...a big YES.
-Had she a good mind?
- No she hadn't. She was so stupid and weak and she took so many bad decisions in her life that made her dead..yes she was dead when she was living.
- Really?
-Yeah yeah she did!
-How ?
-She was only breathing, smiling ( fake smiles ), painting in her room, talking to the moon, crying everynight,writing diaries, copying her bad feelings on her note book, asking so many questions, looking to her tears into the mirror, breaking some staff, hurting herself by a knif , crying inside of her soul, she loved seeing blood and she was even thinking to taste it but she didn't.
- But she looks okey!
- She wasn't okey.
-Oh GOD!
- She was suffering.. really suffering inside.
- But she had so many good things in her life!
- like what? Tell me!
- She was beautiful, smart, cultivated, she had a nice family who loves her so much..so many people love her...she was like a pretty artist..
-Stop it please!
- what?
- She knew all of this and she was thanking GOD for this. But can people's love bring her success? Can her beauty help her to fullfill her dreams? Can her paintings draw a smile on her lips? Say! It doesn't work. She is so sensitive and weak. She had a very weak personality. She couldn't help it! You have no idea how it hurts her inside. Maybe it"s a stupid thing but I can't explain it more. She was so so moody. She smiles now and after 2 minutes she cry...she used to cry everyday...everynight...she cried alot....she was lonely and no one can hear her screaming inside...no one ...really no one..she was lonely in a crowded world...how bad is this world.
Takwa Khelifi
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